Jokes (STALKER: Shadow of Chernobyl)
A rookie asks a veteran.- Hey uncle, where can I sleep here, I'm afraid of dogs.
- There is a two-story house a kilometer from here, there are no dogs there.
Why aren't there dogs?
-Elementary stalker! They are afraid of bloodsuckers!
The stalker comes home, well, and goes to drink in the bar in the evening. In the bar they offer him a game: if he knocks out a certain number of points in the dash, he will receive a prize. The stalker agreed, won, he was given a prize - a live turtle. After some time, his record was broken, the stalker is offered to be rehabilitated. He knocks out more points in the target, he is given a prize - a small teddy bear. The stalker looked at everyone with a drunken look and said:
-Can I have another meat pie with a crispy crust?
Two monoliths are standing and holding a poster. On the poster is the inscription: "Turn off your path, infidels - or perish!"
Past rode on a field Strelok. Seeing the inscription, he shouted with all his anger: "Religious fanatics!!!" - and pressed the gas pedal. After a couple of seconds, a splash of water was heard.
One sectarian says to another:
- Listen, Fedor, maybe we should have written in a simpler way: "The bridge is broken"?
Semitsky caught the bloodsucker, and the bloodsucker to him:
-Let me go stalker and I will fulfill three wishes
-Okay, the first thing is that you mutants in Zonen finally can not be The bloodsucker has
disappeared.
Semitsky says to himself:
-Damn, it was necessary first to make money and women
One stalker decided to play a joke. I dialed a number from someone else's PDA:
-Hello, is this Duty?
- Yes, we listen ... -
You work badly, - and cut down the receiver.
5 minutes have passed - again:
-Hello is it a duty?
His behind on the back with a butt:
-Duty, Duty. As we can, so we work ...
The stalker went to hell. The demon meets him at the gate and says:
- Well, you are a stalker, a specific profession, so you are given the opportunity to choose the place of eternal torment yourself!
The stalker was delighted, now I’ll choose something better for myself ...
They go through hell, they see people frying in a pan ...
- No, I won’t go here.
They go further, they see people tied up by the legs and dunked into boiling oil...
- No, that's not good either.
They go further, they see three men sitting in a huge vat of shit and smoking ...
- In, I want to come here - the stalker was delighted.
He was quickly issued, he immediately jumped into a vat of shit and let's chat with the rest.
After 5 minutes, the demon comes and says:
- Well, guys, have you smoked? And now eat up! =)
Hunting in the Zone with a stalker-guide. The stalker lays down on the ground, presses his ear...
Then he gets up and says:
- Not far from the flesh. Passed recently.
The hunters are delighted. They ask, how did you guess?
- Yes, the whole ear is in pig shit!
an anecdote from the game
two monoliths meet, one has a broken hand
1-on Pripyat?
2-on Pripyat=(
1-Debt?
2-Debt=(
​​1-shot or a grenade?
2-no one came =(
1 more anecdote from the game was
repaired by Svoboda’s tank and decided to fight on it, they attributed one dude who used to be a tanker, he gives them a lecture, a tanker -
nuka people tell me what is the most important thing in a tank
1-cannon
tanker-answer is not correct correct oh salobons you are salobons the most important thing in the tank is not usratsa
Two stalkers wash their underpants in Pripyat. The wind blew and one of the shorts flew into the water and floated.
Stalker yells:
-Cowards!!!!
-Yes, get with them.
-That's it, * uy then with them!
Bar. The debtors of the marauder were caught. They brought him to the commander - pointing at him - "That creature that finished off a couple of our boys and took off his clothes" The commander starts yelling: "f##t your mother!!! Yes, you understand who you encroached on, f##or you are such a thing!!!… Gray!!!†The sergeant comes in. Commander: Grey! Take this jerk, take him somewhere and f##fuck.†Gray silently takes the guy, puts him in the car and goes to the nearby woods. On the way, the prisoner says: “Gray, don’t t##hai! I'll give you a piece! » Gray is silent. Prisoner again: “Grey, don’t t##high! Two ladies! Gray is silent. Captive again: “Gray, don't t##hai! I’ll tell you where I hid all the swag!†Gray is silent. They drive up to the woods. Gray silently takes the prisoner, pulls him out of the car, leads him to the nearest tree, leans him against him and begins to undress him. Suddenly, the voice of the commander is heard in the radio: “Grey! Urgently to me! Gray silently takes a prisoner, puts him in the car and drives back. Comes to the commander. And there are three of the freedom in handcuffs. Commander: "Grey, take these three, take them away and shoot them." Gray silently takes the prisoner, these three, puts them in the car and goes back to that forest. The prisoner from the back seat holds out his hand, lightly tapping Gray on the shoulder and says: “Grey! Do you remember?! Fuck me!!! sh##hat!!!!!!â€
drove up to the bar 2nd one on a Toyota the other on a field for 5 minutes can’t close the door to him cool
- yes, you’re soaring, I don’t close mine either - I didn’t close
it before either, but yesterday the burers climbed in and
crap the salon
FROM FREEDOM
zombies decided to play football
found the ball played everything at home one leaned over the ball and that one to him
- leave me people, I myself will go current the body will stop wandering somewhere and go
FROM FREEDOM
zombies decided to play football
found the ball played everything at home one leaned over the ball and that one to him
- leave me people, I myself will go current the body will stop wandering somewhere and go
From the game:
Bandits caught the stalker. They dip his head into the stream, pull him out and ask: -
Artifacts, is there any loot?
-There is not.
They dip him again. Pulled out, again asked: -
Artifacts, loot there?
There is not.
And so several times. Finally, he could not stand it and said:
-Damn, you either dip deeper or hold longer - the bottom is muddy, you can't see anything!