Jokes on Skyrim (The Elder Scrolls 5: Skyrim)
Funny, did not find similar topics. Write here your stories. Just do not martinich joke dragonborn so severe, that not goes to the toilet as in similar topics on other games.The end of the month, payday.
- So, the plan is executed, VIP customer service, passed the report.
- An honest fee for honest work. An honest fee for honest work. An honest fee for honest work.
I was exasperated by all the expensive travels, but then I took an arrow in the knee...
Married companion, in bed just a beast!
And in Skyrim, didn't know that the Russians have been using the shouts, putting them in the soul. And, of course, all shouts consist of three words; here stumbled for example, and issue a f** your mother!... and it helps!
PS. Not specifically about Skyrim, but you, too, after the announcement of a storm warning waiting for him for the next morning to tell her peacefully sleeping in the chair Khajiit well, you and Sonya, even yesterday's storm didn't Wake you up?
Grabbed the Imperial guards. Barely escaped from the scaffold. Caught in the midst of the civil war. Filled up this dragon. With his last strength he got to the top of the highest mountain. Found out you were the chosen one, and your task is to save the world from Alduin...
And it's called - went to watch Skyrim live!!!
not an anecdote, but the real situation, but still listen to
Val decided to go back to helgen, where a little head was not cut off, I go so quiet in the tower, there sat 2 Bandos and one says:
- Dad said to me, you would go to the bar... if I knew what Board it says
ahahahha)
The anecdote about the lovers shmotochnym mods.
Dialogue Dragonborn and his companion:
Companion - you Know, I think my armour enchanted!
Dragonborn - ??
Companion - They are all the time becoming less and less...
Found the real cause of the death of the high King Toruga - in conversation with him, Ulfric puffin sneezed.
It's nice that this topic is updated with different anecdotes. Is and not very funny.
Cheryl, spices for you))))
- Jarl Balduf, something your eyes are red...
- Yes, once again the Khajiit (oblivion they take) a night wedding under the window staged!!!!
Weather forecast:
-Today around Whiterun will fly a couple of dragons in Solitude for the possible fall through the texture. In Riverwood men still severe.
Where is my glorious death? sighed the Old Orc, pulling out the axe from the skull of the Dragon.
There is a Breton along the lake Honrich, carrying a box of strong Mead, and he SIPS.
To meet him Proud Altmer.
Al - Hey, you Raznotravie mortal being, what are you talking about?
Breton - Mead, steward the Earl.
Altmer - And do not deign to treat you to my praseolite greatness?
Breton - I'll buy you a drink, but on one condition...
Al - Want to play? Well, let's try.
The Breton is considered high intellect thoroughbred Altmer and started to asked questions...
Breton - okay, first question. Many years ago there was the oblivion crisis?
Al was hubris, you know, and confidently said - two Hundred years ago...
Breton did not want to lose and asked for more difficult in his opinion.
Who started the civil war?
Al - began Ulfric, Tullius finished.
Breton came up with a question to which no answer...
-Who stole my sweet roll?
Altmer - Scientists still do not know...
A Breton with grief gave a bottle of Mead Altmer.
Al goes on his way and to meet him is Farkas.
Farkas - Hey, you and Nuka let the Mead!
Al - give myself...
Farkas - Who?!
Al - that one is a Breton. Ask him, but he's the bastard going to ask you three questions and if you answer correctly only in that case you will get Mead.
Farkas - how hard it is. Hey, why don't you just tell me the answers and I will no longer be considered slow-witted.
Al - Okay.
1.The answer two hundred years ago.
2.Tell Ulfric started, Tullius finished.
3.I don't know. Lie or tell something that scientists still do not know.
Farkas - Well, bless me Talos merciful.
Al looked askance and walked away with a grin.
Breton walking on the road met a man of the world who offered to drink but Breton refused but took along a bottle of honey-Honing (which he disliked).
And he saw before him the Farkas and asks:
Breton - Hey Farkas, don't want to...
Farkas And I know. know. Let your questions.
Breton - I just-can give...
Farkas - no,no I'll be fine. Come on.
The Breton knew that Farkas wisely not a bottle he didn't care...and decided.
Farkas, when you were born?
Well, two hundred years ago.
Breton asks with surprise.
Breton-Ktozh gave birth to you?
Farkas -Nuuu.. that...what was it...started Ulfric, Tullius finished.
-O_o Farkas you che stupid?
-Well... that's... scientists still do not know.
And here tipo HAA ha ha HA HAAA HA..... well, you understand.
Who will put a minus - one GAY
Who put the Dragonborn...
Dragonborn, taking off the pants:
- Lydia, look!
Lydia:
- The first time I see something like that...
I think all zadolbali phrase (which has become the unofficial slogan of Skyrim): once I was an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow in the knee. I suggest a couple of variations on this theme:
Once I was an adventurer but then I took an arrow in the knee of the giant and became the first cosmonaut in Skyrim;
When I was a pastry chef, but then I stole a sweet roll, and I became an adventurer.
Once I got shot in the knee, but I didn't yell at each intersection;
Once I was an adventurer like you, but then I flew the trainer;
I was an Archer, but then I accidentally got shot in the knee, Lydia and realized that the Archer from me so himself;
Once I was shot in the head. I was Dovalina, and you, loser, shot in the knee above the guard can't get up;
Once I was an adventurer like you, but then I found out that I was safe, and decided to quit this business...
Continue:)
I WANT TO TALK WITH AN OLD WOMAN? Mocked dragonborn sitting on the porch Bannered Mare. His face was pale, he, and it, were visible signs of a nervous TIC, his hands were shaking.
Dopi-ELOS old b-be!!! Came a thunderous, hysterical laughter jumping in tuum... Passing by Nasim opened her mouth to ask, the ten thousandth time, how often do domacinu have to be in the Cloud district, lifted into the air and carried to the city gates.
That is so much better! Said the dragonborn looking at the place where the blood had cooled, the mutilated body of an old woman, sticking out of my head the Daedric axe....
In Skyrim I have not yet met M'IKE a Liar, but those who played Oblivion, remember how fast he was running:
Are Cyrodiil's Savior and Dragonborn across the expanses of Tamriel. Suddenly past them something whirlwind.
- What is it? - asks the Dragonborn.
Is The Elusive M'IKE Is A Liar. - responsible Cyrodiil's Savior
Why is he elusive?
Because he can not catch one.
- Why is it no one can catch?
- But who needs that?
_________________________
Anthem Brothers of the Storm (Gorky who read the true Nord):
Tricky Tullius shyly hides his Legion in Solitude,
Because of Skyrim proudly fluttering Shearwater!
Sorry off topic, but not found the topic about fun In Skyrim:
Somewhere in the icy mountains, where howling blizzards, and where not taken away even a mountain sheep... to me there came one running the Fugitive, asked him to hold onto his boots (enchanted, besides!) and ran on barefoot:)
This orchard makes me sentimental," - said Moya, Khajiit, his friend Haseleu. - For example, under that tree I first made love. And that tree was the mother of this girl and was watching us.
She watched you make love to her daughter? - marveled at Asilid. - And you said nothing?
Just 'meow'.
Nord wife dammeron going to battle.
Let's go to the cave of Ondrusov.
- Where - surprised Danmark, I will not go!
Why?
It's my first husband lies.
What is the thinnest book in the world?
- Heroes of the Redguard in the War of Betony.
The Legionnaires-guards withdrew another 120 litres of scummy. The best forces of the Legion abandoned to the destruction of contraband.
Mom little Nerevar: Son, you got caught up with bad company!
Nerevar: Mom, I'm not contacted, I created it!
Nerevar asked Varina: my Friend, why are you still not married?
Vorin: Honestly, I think all the time about your wife.
Nerevar, in desperation: What about my wife?! You too?! Vivec was not enough!
Varin, grimly: don't worry, I only fear that I will fall...
After a week...
Vivek ayem: Are you not the least bit disappointed when we own hands poured the poison into the morning coffee of our friend, the king, your husband?..
Ayem, sighing: of Course, upset.
Sotha SIL, sarcastic: I Wonder at what point.
Ayem: When he, the infection, asked for another Cup!