Mafia is also a joke (Mafia 2)
The first dream Vito ScalettaThe car slowly drove up to the house. From it lazily climbed two. One was tall, slender, and from the second and smelled health, average humor, and cheap sausages, beer and wine. The man with the hose continued to stand. Two unknown went to him. "They are two steps away from me. Well, the Sara two days ago, I went to this... mom." thought the Man With the Hose.
Mr. Angelo? — grated Thin. The man With the Hose began to turn around. — Mr Salieri...
— Elephants go North! — fell in response to the Man With the Hose, with hand pointing in opposite direction. Two unidentified men turned around. That was enough to make a Man Without Hose lightning rushed to the house.
Of dideco! said Fat.
— Joe, what was that? — asked Skinny.
— You See, Vito. My nanny — aunt rose was a native of Odessa.
— Hmm, well you give. What are you silent? — continued Vito.
— Yes, you know, ' said Joe and, recovering himself, fired at the fleeing charge fraction, to which the latter responded with an elegant somersault to the side. The charge from the shotgun missed him. Escaped safely closed the door behind me.
— Old school! and envy said to Vito (and it was he). What are we gonna do, Joe?
— To fight! Get down! Don't stand like a statue?! Bullet want? It's not Frankie Pots. You know how many people failed this boy? You never dreamed of. — shouted Joe.
In the meantime, the Man Without Hose already run to the old pump-action shotguns on which was engraved the inscription "a long memory on the birthday. Norman." and grabbed it, shouted to the back yard:
— Ralphie! Leave the trough and get out of here. We have guests.
I'm here, Tommy! — said ran to the house door, slightly stooped, much older and quite toothless, but not a bit of stammering old Ralphie. Once it is at the request of Sarah crawled under a broken washing machine with the words "I R-R-Remon-ti-was tirbal silver f-f-f-years-CH-CH-BLK with the don! I those-you are not patched up an old piece of iron!", slipped and he hit his head on the "old iron." Someone loses his memory, who the mind, and Ralphie have found them, in addition, got rid of the perennial, almost incurable stuttering! He was holding an old, battered shotgun. — Well, Tommy? PAL? said Ralphie.
— Fire! replied Tommy.
And the sound of thunder. Two of Thunderbird'and jumped to the side.
— Want more? I have a few tickets to hell! Want to be first? — yelled Tommy. Long with him was nothing like that! Must have spent not less than 100 charges from both barrels, before it took charge. I'm out of ammo! complained Tommy.
— How do they do it? It's impossible! said Vito on the other end, hiding behind a dumpster, holding a brand new Colt with 30 bullets.
Is the scripters of Aliv city tried! Bullets slapped the elderly, and we take the rap! — answered the Fat.
— Save it, Joe! We surrender.
What?!
We need to talk. said Vito, waving a white scarf — gift from my mom. — Something's fishy. Gut.
— ??? That's my Cologne, Vito...
— Smo-mo-three, Tommy! — from joy saikal Ralph. — They give up! We took our took! — began to jump with joy Ralph.
— The milk is not dried out on the lips of these suckers to fill me! Ha ha ha! (evil laughter) Oh, what am I? — surprised Tommy and added — Puppies!
Meanwhile, Vito came closer, waving his handkerchief.
***************
It's been two hours, maybe more...
So you White soaked? Was pushed off a bridge? — thundering good-natured Joe, who are pretty nalivshiysya: freebie!
And that Gray too? asked this time surprised Vito. And, wow, my mom for many years familiar with your Sarah! It's a small world.
— Yeah, and then I was so tempted to approach him and say something like "lucky bastard!" From what it suddenly? he told Tommy.
— You're really cool dude! — continued to roll tongue Joe. — Not that this Shmuck...
— You remind me of someone... — interjected Ralph, turning to Joe. — You never had a limp? And laugh too, as well, and the jokes are the same... — scratched his chin Ralphus.
What? No, no... Finito! Vito, what do we tell everyone? said Joe, recovering himself. — We all decided to do!
Don't worry, Joe! We'll get through. With this company we are all set. And now — for horses.
— We are with you! — squeezed Ralph.
Vito approached the car, suddenly Tommy said:
— Where you going, baby? I was sitting behind the wheel when you sat in the nurse — said Thomas and added, sitting in the Red Ford, the habit skillfully, even the habit of working with both hands without using the key proposed by Vito surprised, explaining that Luka taught. I'll talk about it. You know what I had to do to get the same?
— What? First to go, shake Skytrain...
— Wow! Is there such? — surprised Joe.
— Don't bother, Joe. said Vito. — Carry on, Mr. Angelo.
— So, first shake Skytrain, if you do not want to throw some poor guy out of his car or his own was broken, then pehom to go to the bridge, previously looking around about the cops, then shoot in one small window of rusty the police "Colt", which also previously it was necessary to get it, knocking the poor bastard COP, or just to pick an easy fight with some citizen and have to run to the tram, taking a COP with him. Our cops are not your shoot will not immediately and trams — damn it! — will do the trick. And then finally you get to the bridge in downtown.
Hey, who's that retard? — resentfully asked Joe, scowling heavily.
— Joe! No one is down — the bridge in the Business district just was. — explained Vito.
— Oh, right! — went limp Joe.
I will continue, if you will. Tommy looked around both. — So I first got a car, ahead of its time: no one in the city was not like this, even Morello...
— Well you give! Well Done, Tommy! — sincerely complimented Joe. — What the... Tube? — surprised our fatty.
— Why this idiot is it national horn day? said Vito. — Yes, so loud!
— We have in Lost Haven are the same went. smiled Tommy.
Yes, Yes. Joe, figure it out... — moaned Vito. — Ahhh! — suddenly he shouted the same. He was drenched in sweat. Where am I? What's wrong with me? What's that noise? Grandmother, where is grandmother? No, not that... Joe, where's Joe? Don't get Joe! — continued Vito and fell out of bed. — Here is it national horn day someone! — rubbing his eyes, said Vito, approaching the window to see the morning's noise.
It was Joe with a playful smile on his lips, odergivala his hand from the horn of a brand new Ford Thunderbird'and.
— What a dream! — said Vito and shouted to his friend — I Go, go!*
Fin.
Do not judge strictly, this is my first humorous story :)
PS, Probably not quite in that section created a subject, I would like in the section of the Mafia happened in the Shoutbox - well, okay. I'm just a beginner, not used to what, where and how else =)
alive-bars
written great, write!
though stated as a humorous story, but never smiled, no humor here at all.
the style of writing much, do continue))
alive-bars wrote:
not quite
would kill)) separately same
S
Thanks for the feedback! And you can see then what, if not the humor, liked the little story? Easily? He's so frivolous))))
S wrote:
though stated as a humorous story, but never smiled
Everyone has their own sense of humor :)
S wrote:
would kill)) separately same
It turns out, I am not one pedant))) Thank you for your attention, I often lack))
alive-bars wrote:
The car slowly drove up to the house. From it lazily climbed two. One was tall, slender, and from the second and smelled health, average humor, and cheap sausages, beer and wine.
The car slowly drove up to the house. From it lazily climbed two. One was tall and thin, from the second and exuded health, mean humor, cheap sausages and beer.
alive-bars
baby, while you need an editor... even more - is necessary because
alive-bars wrote:
Escaped safely closed the door behind me.
the door just closed, without any happily
alive-bars wrote:
— Thomas said and added, sitting in the Red Ford, the habit skillfully, even the habit of working with both hands without using the key proposed surprised Vito...
Red Ford with a capital? it is also a character in humoresque? heh, heh... and of course, the gangsters in this essay can't just sit in the car, they certainly need to act by not using the key, and the habit skillfully, even habit...
and on the toilet seat of the toilet as they are also rollicking sit down out of habit rather skillfully, even the habit of working with both hands without using the key proposed by Vito surprised?
....
so that while all bad girls. required Maleh ischo literary no what to read, and not only subtitles in the GTA
Hello
Thanks for the feedback, friend! Only I'm not your baby. Want to be an editor? Please edit the printed text right here. I don't mind, on the contrary, only. And it's not a novel, not a Novella, this short humorous story, even a sketch, written a long time ago (long time!) almost at the knee with the aim at least a little to raise the mood of the reader, with the aim to make even shy to smile in any place! And that's all. Write your own little story - and now a lot of crititical, no offense :) But criticism should, in this case, at least sometimes himself to write something and not just criticize others. I hope you understand.
Hello wrote:
the door just closed, without any happily
For the reason that this sketch was already written. And then: about the author ever heard? As you wish, and write at least 5 errors in a single word, but it is the author writing :)
Hello wrote:
Red Ford with a capital?
It is the author's writing.
Hello wrote:the gangsters in this essay can't just sit in the car, they certainly need to act by not using the key
This is not a detailed technical documentation and not even a big, serious novel, a tale, a story, a humorous sketch, so no need to complain about a colleague :)
Hello wrote:
required Maleh ischo literary a no read
Possible. Only, as you say, what literary comrades, maybe some more reading. And the most different. But you, comrade, for yourself read things that so in an ironic key write?
Hello wrote:
and not only subtitles in the GTA
Write about literature and themselves to the jargon of some drops! It is not good. Should be able to write in Russian without inetovskih jargon. However, much appreciated, will take into account all of the future. Thanks again and good luck!
alive-bars wrote:
As you wish, and write at least 5 errors in a single word, but it is the author writing :)
heh, heh... the author's writing - the excuse of an ignorant scribbler?
alive-bars wrote:
...with the aim to make even shy to smile in any place!
tried and not just shy... unfortunately, no how, does not work.
alive-bars
why so reactive to comments and amendments?
posted - be ready to negative.
you style is, and stick to it, and of course on the literacy work necessary.
if a lot of short stories, essays written, create a page in Facebook, there is publish there will flee network))
on a writer's forum, but there for every letter/comma almost under the shooting :)
I think you have scripts with time, good will or stories to the games. Hiking anyways :)
A cat chasing a mouse, bug the cat, the grandmother for the bug, the grandfather of the grandmother - so revenge the Sicilian mafia.
hi, myself something better written, or poorly?))
Attention! I want to emphasize that this was my first humorous story, the purpose of which was to haimanot, they say see how I can and possibly you smile; the second reason is the possible incentive on the part read my humble creation to write your own story - whether on the subject of the Mafia, also something humorous or more serious - it does not matter, the main thing that I took and wrote. Who does not like, do not read, not squealing and does not stink in the comments. I'm doing if I don't like something. Rest well and thank you - thank you for konstruktivnoi criticism and feedback. It's nice.
S, any claims to You, lady :) I am taller than you already thanked you for your opinion.
Well, it will continue to entertain people 
1932. It was getting dark. Only the cicadas serenading around. Meanwhile, the bridesmaids, Michelle admired her dress:
— Oh, girl, how pretty it is! You're lucky!
Yeah, sure, Michelle, but I'm still worried... How are they without us?
— You all about them? Enough already, Sarah, smile: tomorrow's the wedding and the guys, I'm sure it's fine! Well, drink, sit, joke on us Yes disperse... You know, I asked one of them — I think his name is Sam, — to look after yours. Hey, Sam, you wouldn't know it — free? This is so cute and so shy! He mumbled in front of me... to Me it already felt sorry! — continued about your Michelle.
— I'm excited! — Sarah said, not listening to the lamentations of a friend.
— Come on! With him the same Poly! — said Michelle with a smile.
— That frightens me! — Sarah said, eyebrows knotted together.
***************
Meanwhile, in TRESTA twenty feet from them, two left the entrance of the house of Poli. The little man took from his pocket a gold cigarette case, took a cigar, offered the second — and both through the second zapikali.
You know what, Paulie? I'm excited for tomorrow — said Tommy's (it was him).
— Come on, relax! Everything was just wonderful! You are still free today — and tomorrow will no longer belong only to yourself! — Poly said, smiling.
Then came the fun shuffling down the corridor. The door almost flew off its hinges! With a cry of "here I am!" appeared in zyuzyu stoned Sam.
— Finished Smoking my Bong already? asked Poly.
Sam endorsed nodded. Poly looked at Tommy.
You sound kind of sad still! What I want to do?
I don't know, Paulie...
— I think I got an idea! said Paulie, and his eyes lit up. He began to vysmatrivat something around.
— What are you looking at? — asked Tommy.
— Damn, no cars! said Pavel, not hearing the Volume. — Tom, where is your trough?
Hey! My — at our bar.
Far away. Sam crawls — said Paulie, looking back at Sam.
And then Sam began to hum happily, waving his arms like a Dutch windmill and hard pointing at something.
— What is it? And, well done, Sam! Big-eyed! — praised Poly.
Almost opposite the entrance just parked a workman in blue overalls and was apparently home. But, alas, the car was an old Bolt, or rather "Bolt Ace Pickup".
— What do you say? asked Poly.
— Yes will do! And where are you going? — with a question answered Tommy.
— We'll go to my uncle's farm...
What?! — asked Tommy.
— Easy, no problems: this Bank sucks is protected... — Poly woke up — No, this is not the time. No problems, this is the farm of my uncle.
— Don't like it when you say so! — said Tom.
— Well, so what? Go? asked Paulie, looking around and breaking the lock. — Ready! said Poly and sat in the driver's seat.
— What about Sam? asked Tommy, looking at his friend, who, not sparing the stomach, waged an unequal battle with his own shadow. — The car is double!
— Yes, leave it in this state... it was about Paulie. — This: soak it in as Luggage in the back — here after all, Tom, huh? — said Pavel and squinted.
And so they did. They loaded Sam and drove off.
— Just circle the house... Sarah asked Tommy.
— By itself! said Paulie.
They drove over to Sara's house, near the monument to unknown destination, when suddenly Tom wanted to pee.
— Stop! — asked Tommy And holler if you see one.
— Well! said Poly lighting.
Tommy ran out of the car and stood in front of the monument. He felt better, when suddenly it seemed to him that the monument begins to move.
— Poly, bat in front of you?
— Yeah, what?
— Nothing, just in case, ' said Tommy, now clearly seeing the butt of the Thompson from under his jacket brazenly smiling monument. Don't smoke Egyptian stuff Sam! thought Tommy said, jumping in the car: Touch, Poly.
When they started, Tommy looked back to the monument cheerfully waved the barrel and as if danced the twist. Tommy crossed. Looking around again, Tommy saw that the monument had disappeared.
— Hey, Sam, what kind of grass you have treated?
— St. John's wort... — blissfully promyaukal Sam.
Meanwhile, they and this trough reached the city limits. Poly it began:
Nature! No worries! And what air!
— Poly, and I didn't know you had an uncle there asked Tommy.
— Yes, he's a veteran. Fought in Poland, Austria, Turkey, received lots of awards at the end of the war, even captured some Austrians, but that he escaped. My uncle even went crazy after that: it was said that it was the enemy number one, you know? Say that the prisoner at home soon after the war, not beer, not wine staged a riot... what a world! — graduated from Poly. — Oops up! Now medco will possem! You have no idea what the man's jam! Upload!
— Poly, and it nepomuscene? — asked Tommy.
— Hurt! I'm still a favorite nephew!
— Reassured, said Tommy.
— Come! And Sam let sleeping it off! Come on, Tommy, what are you waiting for? Oops, look at the tractor "Belarus"! It is a gift a Russian friend to my uncle!
Yeah. Poly, I ochkuyu!
— Lyumos Salem! — Paulie shouted, taking out his bat at the end of which appeared a dazzling bright light. — Come on. Or I'll turn into a toad!
Wow, Paulie, where are you these things learned? — asked the astonished Tommy, dutifully following after the other.
Seven years in the top Automotive School at Hogwarts were not in vain! — said proudly Poly. — Come! Open the lid, start the hand, and suck, ablitily looks yummy, ' said Paulie, he already stuck.
Tommy did as he was told: he opened the door, put his hand... and screamed:
— Poly, there's something moving! Something me-I-I-lagcoe and push-and-and-ist!
— Most importantly, don't make them angry — said Paulie with his mouth full, and don't shout, and don't be afraid: they can smell your fear, and again his head was something missing.
— Poly, they look at me! And, in my opinion, cheerful! I think I their sleep disturbed! Mamma MIA! Poly, what to do? — yelled Tommy.
Finally the sound of breaking troughs and buckets lit the lights in the house beekeeper.
— Oops, did you Wake up uncle! Now he bees, "EW!" you say! said Pavel.
Poly, in my opinion, it's not the dog's! — said Tommy, running past.
And then instead of "Boo!" or at least "place!" they heard the sound of shots from a shotgun — that awakened the farmer began to shoot them with salt, as he felt Tommy's back.
— Go to the lake! — have realized Paulie. — It's not our farm, Tommy! he shouted. I'll try to detain them! About This Totalus! — ordered the Poly, but the bees did not obey him, and he ran toward old Ford with a sleeping Sam in the back.
Tommy well, he reached a small pond near the entrance to the farm, dived into the water and hid. Paulie ran to the car and sat in the front seat, began to turn her on, but the old trough has refused to start up!
— Cursed be the day when I sat behind the wheel of this vacuum cleaner! — swore Poly, and "Bolt" was on!
Paulie pulled up to the descent to the pond, not Glusha motor, got out of the car, ran to the water and shouted over the water's edge:
Fact-o-o-m-m-and! Get out!
Then Tommy must be heard after another, and perhaps he just ran out of air in his lungs, and he will jump out of the water shouting "oooo!", Poly already recoiled back. Even the bees in indecision hung in the air. Suddenly became very quiet — you could hear even as the dripping water trickles from the head and shoulders Volume. Ran with a gun the beekeeper, seeing the picture, threw the weapon and rushed back with a bloodcurdling scream, "help!" on all fours, the dog howling after him. Tommy, standing half in the water, was covered with river ooze mixed with the caught, as in a network, crawfish hanging from his head to feet, noisy breathing oxygen, being similar to Poseidon himself, and not on a respected member of society — mafia. But we must pay tribute to Poly, quickly came to himself, which almost immediately ran into the water, grabbed me by the scruff and dragged her friend to the car.
A minute later they were driving down the road into town and hysterically laughed. Sam didn't even Wake up — woke up just at the entrance to the city, but as soon as I looked at Tom, who still remained in the river outfit, again with a groan, leaned back in the back.
***************
The next day in the local Church in the Business district was the wedding. Everyone was smiling, dancing, having fun and wishing the young couple a long life together. Embraced even in the good old days Salieri with Morello. The continuation of the wedding was planned in a restaurant Pepe — assignment of the don, but was prepared by Luigi, insisted Tommy for the joy of the future father-in-law. And no matter how devastated Michelle tried to Wake Sam who had slept through the salad all day, it failed: St. John's wort core-e-eny were!*
Fin.
PS And again for the most kind: do not hype and not write for the sake of bragging, and that man could escape and be carried away, so to have something written. Who does not like - do not read. Thank you for your attention and happy reading!
Hello wrote:
Red Ford with a capital? it is also a character in humoresque?
Yeah, the brother Harrison Ford.
Spoilern this is not accurate.
P. S Smile, but I have not mastered.
WanRoi
Oh, damn it, literate! My humble little story, damn, criticize, but do writing errors.
First, the names of people are capitalized, and Harrison Ford is the man :)
Second, Ford is the brand name of the car, so that is also big.
Thirdly, it is a humorous story, not a serious fiction, not a novel or a story.
Fourth, Red with a great is the author's writing. As you wish, and write. And then, because the story is humorous, even auto the product can represented by a certain character, so will be written with a capital letter.
Fifth, I'm glad he smiled in a certain place, comrade, for the sake of it and wrote, but that is not mastered, very vain, the volume is quite small - it's still the mini-stories, not a novel. Sad. Read more is better, comrades, not sit on forums and in social networks.