Hello everyone. I wrote horror.
So, I decided to try a new career in writing horror. Karpaty, etc. Read, evaluate, write shortcomings ). I need a second opinion.I went to the bus stop, was a dark night. The bus closed the doors and left. Stop was consecrated only 1 flashlight and he blinked. No one was around. Ow I shouted, but only silence was my answer. I trudged home, looking back in fear at the slightest rustle of city streets. Suddenly I saw a silhouette. Dark and high. The silhouette was a hat a Fedora and looked at me. I turned around and went the other way, but the silhouette was moving behind me. The blood froze in his veins. In fear I grabbed the bottle from the ground and smashed it and waved rose. AHH, do Not go! I yelled and the silhouette disappeared. I rushed home. I ran through the bushes and the pavement, the mad clatter rang in my ears. It was my tramping. But he was creepy as hell. But through it could be heard and more. Strong shortness of breath and even more loud clatter. I, of breath from running and turned around. The blood was frozen in my veins. Swept me woman. The light from the lantern drew her insanely brutal, lice, which again disappeared in the darkness, when she passed it (the lamp). Despite his small stature and very full figured she caused the visibility of the ball that is rolling towards you. Damn the evil ball. I ran. Never ran. I ran and ran, but I heard her shortness of breath. She would not let go, even though I was exhausted. Sudden impact and I flew into a Bush near the road. His head was spinning. She leaned over me, saying nothing, grabbed him by the collar and dragged him somewhere. AAA. You can let go now - I yelled loudly. It was scary, dark and cool, I broke the last effort and rolled into a ravine near the road. It hurt, but I didn't scream. Tears were flowing from his eyes. Sobbing, I crawled, not seeing where. I have crawled and crept through bushes and nettles. Then he passed out. Woke up already in the morning, in the mud and rape. I already knew that was safe. I sighed and crawled home.
The end how you?
ReasonableSoul
But don't do that. Still my first story. Just need the experience. What do you not like? So in the future to correct.
The second part of the story is not bad, potential you really have, but it needs to develop. The first part of the story, to escape from a woman weak, not enough details. Description of terrain, weather, need to add some color, what it was night. Every word must carry meaning and emotional color, try to take the same text and paint it so that the person reading it could take to read. Pay attention to detail... Try and succeed.
boxitem
Here's the real horror
I went to the store in a good mood came in, saw the prices...aaaaaaa,mother dear ! Ran out of the store and long ran aimlessly !
DarKain_PYA
Thank you. By the way, the action of the story takes place in a parallel world where the night in the city are walking monsters.
boxitem
It should be inserted in the text, fill your world with colors, even dark and let him understand your reader.
Here's another story:
1. That day I was driving to the cottage for old time's sake. Long time not seen him. When, a week ago, he called, his voice shaking. He asked me to come and help with one question. I didn't get into specifics. Little is to drag things or what.
At first glance, familiar I knew immediately that he recently got into trouble. His face and hands were covered in cuts and scars. When finally I asked him, only got the answer: you'll see. Something inside me was screaming that it was fishy, but escape I could not. Was awkward to refuse. Still, old friend. At tea he only said that night I have to wear a suit, it will extend and go with him to the garden. Sergei, what are you messing with me Sobra... I never finished. Something slammed on the roof of the house and he heard a cawing from all sides. It was so scary. Sergei is only frowned, his eyes caught on fire. I looked out the window and was stunned - the window, slender cohorts marched the ravens. On their heads were caps from champagne and bottles, like helmets. The teeth are toothpicks, nails, blades from razors. Their was darkness. Eto'o. Eto'o... I couldn't formulate a thought in words, but he said Since the last time better prepared, and with. Here is a twist, which I wrapped.
Sergey brought us a homemade armor made of thick cardboard, chipboard, shields and covers old chairs with the attached handles. Helmets of pots and delanie protection of cardboard. Put he said while I was immobilized by this sur.
While I suited up, Sergey told a strange story: ravens over the military conducted experiments to increase their intelligence. They have trained a few crows. Then, those crows have been taught to others. Had a miscalculation and the crows fled. In the wild, they trained wild crows and gathered an army. Sergei noticed that with the ravens something. He tried to get rid of them from your site and thereby declared war on them. He needed an assistant for a decisive battle. It appeared to be me. I was the only one who could help him to protect his country. The ravens never forgive offense he said I listened with my mouth open. I almost just closed armor. Keep your eyes and ears. Use a shield and a bludgeon. Don't let them recover. Sergei, too, was the armor out of cardboard and chipboard, the shield and leg of a chair in the manner of a Mace.
And here we are in the area. We were surrounded by crows. They were everywhere. "caaar was heard from above and the crows were divided into cohorts. AHHH roared Sergei, and the battle began. The ravens have surrounded us, stabbed with toothpicks and blades unprotected places. I waved kistner and knocked several crows. Their hats flew in different directions. Many crows were killed, but we were wounded. Blood oozed from the wounds. I took cover with his shield from the harnesses of a chair and brandished kistner. Suddenly Sergei, under pressure from Raven, exhausted and bloodied, dropped the shield. The ravens took advantage of the moment. Dozens of toothpicks rushed to him in the beaks of crows. Sergei went limp. SERGE. NO I yelled. I angrily bashed kistner at a time, beating for 5 crows. I got to the other.
Suddenly there was a deafening car. The ravens lost a lot. Remnants of their forces, the few that remained retreated. I saw them, they formed a new cohort away, standing up instead of fallen comrades. The whole garden was strewn with the bodies of crows. I crawled to Sergei. He was too hurt. Had to drag him to the house.
When I locked the door, then there was Carr. On the roof, something started knocking loudly. The crows were trying to get into the building. I was holding the line. But he knew Raven was too exhausted. This battle is won. Soon the night and they will fly away.
Then everything ended well. I dressed the Earrings and patched his wounds. After there was a feast around the campfire with a kebab. And on the left.
A week later I found out the terrible news. Sergey crashed, falling into a ravine. Witnesses said that saw Sergei in the armor of cardboard fought off the hordes of crows that pushed him to the precipice. Sergey was a great fighter, but the ravens scored replenishment. There were too many. This news shocked me.
Now tonight, I sit at home, and the window cohort Raven marching. These crows to remember me. I was against them. I was their enemy in that battle. The ravens never forgive offense,
I ran through the bushes and asphalt
Bravo! The most terrible place.
The end how you?
My end all right.
boxitem wrote:
The end how you?
Creative fit\by fellow
Well, I laughed. Record stories, write more.
This is a brilliant stories !!!! Very reminiscent of a young Stephen king when he was at the peak ! Why are you still not sent their masterpieces in the wording ?? Don't waste your time here, your talent can't appreciate. Oh God, I read them again and again and each time find something new, some double meanings and references. Very deep and rich prose !!
boxitem
Akyuu doesn't affect your imagination and the desire to improve the style of writing.
boxitem wrote:
The bus closed the doors
direct himself out and closed their doors :)
as the bus can close the door? (automatically closed the door of the bus spontaneously)
boxitem
there is a desire - write of course, only in the network of this nonsense don't show anyone. Imagination is the articulation of the monstrous. To work, for this he read more, competent and correct sentences then they themselves will be stored in the brain, the fingers just so on the keys zastuchit.
well, the advice from ray Bradbury and Stephen king: for beginners and not only write 2 thousand words a day in order to develop a rhythm and system
boxitem wrote:
By the way, the action of the story takes place in a parallel world where the night in the city are walking monsters.
Castlevania =]
boxitem wrote:
Incidentally 263 iq's (i.e. my).
Subtract Einstein will be right ツ
Stop humiliating Silent Hill and all the sur as a whole, the author.
boxitem wrote:
I have crawled and crept through bushes and nettles
Lovecraft came to life to bless you.