Star Wars 7 or the beginning of the insanity trilogy!

Light criticism !!! (Kylo Ren - Snowpe) A
tsunami of disappointment with the plot hit me from the very first lines of the text floating out from under the screen. Almost every scene and plot is filled with idiocy. If not for the appearance of the film actors from the previous parts, the film would have turned out even worse than the new "Fantastic Four". If you don't believe


me , here's a breakdown of the key scenes in order: -Although the rebels defeated all the high command of the Empire, killed the most terrible Sith and destroyed the deadliest weapon in the galaxy - the Death Star, episode 7 begins with the rebels losing the war to a certain Right Sect ..., that is, to the First Order, which SUDDENLY not only is not driven into the deepest underground on the verge of doubt in its existence, but itself successfully bends the Resistance.


-The First Order managed to build (no kidding) the MEGA Death Star (by what means?), Which is charged with stars (!) And is located at a shot distance from the key planets of the Rebels (Republic?). It's as if Germany in 1944 built a cannon that shoots the Tsar-bombs at 250 megatons, somewhere in Kazan and Stalin would not know about it.

-The balance of the Force is upset, again, not in favor of the Jedi. How? Do you think the Sith learned to clone people with the Jedi forces and they have a couple of million Darth Maul on the way? No. Frontline Sith - Snowp cannot defeat even a simple stormtrooper. All because of Snowpe's problem with the potential ... that is, the Force. That's because he's not evil enough.


-Princess General Leia - the leader of the rebels, spends all his strategic mind on the belief that Luke Skywalker can bring balance to the Force and only this can ensure their victory in the war. Building your own Death Star, or at least setting up intelligence work, is not a princess business.


-Leya sends her best pilot to find Luke. But we later learn that any inhabitant of the Galaxy, even from the most remote planet, drives a starship better than a professionally trained pilot, so the title of Best Resistance Pilot is a little more prestigious than the title of the best plumber and a little less than the best cook of the Resistance.

- Luke Skywalker is of course unknown where or why. And nobody knows where he is. Well, except for the strange piano in the bush ... that is, the wise old man on the forgotten planet Jakka, oh yes, and also R2-D2 at the Rebel headquarters. But the droid has become depressed and does not want to tell anyone anything about Luke. Everyone knows about this, but no one bothers the droid - a war hero after all.


-The best Pilot (you don't care what his name is) gets a map with the coordinates of Luke's location, immediately loses it with his starship along with a map and a droid and is captured (he is knocked out on the runway by two attack aircraft, but he is still the best rebel pilot - after all, on the ground is beaten, so it does not count).


-BB-8 droid (the only character you don't care about the whole movie). Immediately she stumbles upon a homeless woman ... that is, the most powerful light Jedi in the galaxy, a master of control of any starship, a candidate of space technical sciences, an expert in several languages, a master of hand-to-hand combat, a sniper in pistol shooting, a clairvoyant named Rey. When she was a child, her dad flew to the store for cigarettes on a starship and never returned. She learned everything herself among the scrap metal buyers, apparently eating powdered bread.


-In fact, the escaped stormtrooper provides a crushing victory for the Insurgents. And not a simple attack aircraft. In early childhood, he was taken away from his parents and trained all his life to be a plumber (I'm serious), which did not prevent him from getting into the personal guard of escorting the most supreme leader Snoke during the storming of the planet.

-In the very first battle (apparently he got into the special forces of stormtroopers for the same reason that he got into the cast of the film;)), the dark-skinned stormtrooper gets the honor to take part in a mini genocide. And surprisingly, he has a nervous breakdown and decides to escape from the First Order.


-By the way, for the progenitor of cartoons for children, Disney shows an unhealthy passion for genocide in EP 7. I counted in the film about 8 acts of mass destruction, but you will only care about the death of Khan Sol, and not the death of some billions of civilians.


“In the army, I could not even leave the barracks without the permission of the Company Duty, and on the star cruiser - the flagship of the First Order, it was simply the kingdom of democracy. An ordinary attack aircraft can enter a prison compartment, pick up a prisoner from an interrogation chamber, escort him to a hangar with warships and put a prisoner at the helm of a fighter. Naturally, the Best Resistance Pilot arranges a local Jihad in the hangar and flies off the flagship.


-Best Pilot crashes and disappears before the final scene (and for some reason it pleases).


-An escaped stormtrooper named Fin wakes up in the middle of the desert. Immediately he gets rid of white armor and in a black robe, and it is during the day, not at night, that he goes on a hike through the hell of a desert. Instead of dying ten minutes later, he finds a droid along with the only female human on the planet, at a time when I have not been able to find a girl for myself for twenty years. Handsome, what can I say.


-Further is the hijacking of the starship under the fire of fighters. But the Order's pilots are of course losing the battle against a plumber and a teenager at the wheel of a space cargo truck.


-With each subsequent scene, the film generally loses its meaning right on the afterburner. Han and Wookie find a couple. After all, not just a space cargo wagon, but the Millennium Falcon, which Khan had either drunk or lost before. By the way, Han Solo, being the ex-husband of the Rebel leader, became a criminal and a smuggler again. Everyone knows about it, but no one cares. Unsurprisingly, Leia and Han raised the Sith, the main villain of Snowpe. Yes, he is their son. Just accept it.


-Khan brings Team Disney to his secret agent - a reliable ally of the Resistance. But in fact, the owner of an ordinary backwater bar for the same criminals as Han.

And that's not even the middle of the movie.

- The entire galaxy is looking for a droid. Han Solo, being one of the most famous people in the galaxy, of course brings the droid, where he is greeted by the minions of the First Order.

-Suddenly, stormtroopers arrive and again commit genocide. But this seemed to them not enough and the general of the Right Order destroys the whole star system with the ray of the Planet of Death. The beam flies through the entire galaxy in a couple of seconds, and people on doomed planets have time to see the beam flying towards them. Sci Fi is so Sci Fi.


-In the course of a bloody battle, 4 friends and a droid fight on equal terms against a division of stormtroopers, rebels arrive and bend down the advanced troops of the Order. But that doesn't stop Snow from kidnapping Rey.


-Only after the death of half of their planets, the rebels suddenly learn about the existence of the Mega Death Star under their noses and decide to destroy it, as the First Order began preparing for the next volley. Otherwise, this question would have been postponed for two more films.


-Han Solo, Wookiee and Fin make a hyper-jump from the rebel headquarters to the surface of the Planet of Death (I'm not kidding), then unnoticed, on foot, penetrate into its most vulnerable place for sabotage. Fortunately, there is still the enemy's general staff - part-time a prison for prisoners of the Jedi. A prison that still can't hold even an untrained Jedi.


-The rebels, only on fighters, begin an attack on the planet-death star, hoping that the smuggler and deserter can single-handedly destroy the planet's power shield generator. Suvorov nervously smokes on the sidelines.


-By the way, stormtroopers' plumbers are dedicated to all the strategic plans for the security of the Planets of Death, because Fin knows every nook and cranny of it, and I didn't know where our ammunition depot was.


-Without loss, focusing at random, Khan, Shaggy and Zagorely capture one of the officers, penetrate into the control headquarters of the shields, then penetrate the reactor room and mine it. It is not customary for the Order to close the floodgates. At the same time, they find Rei, who escaped from captivity, which is very convenient, isn't it?


- Snowpe is dating his father. Khan tries to reason with his son. Snowpe, not without snot, kills Khan and now he completely stands on the dark side of the Force. Apparently the Dark Side of the Force bestows endless futility.

-At this time, several rebel fighters break through to the heart of the Planet of Death and destroy it. It is strange that on the approaches to the main strategic armament, you are not waiting for not only a stellar armada, even Snowpe's flagship has disappeared. No kidding, the Planet of Death is guarded only by a couple of fighters and dust-covered turrets. The entire budget of the First Order went to the construction of the Planets of Death and to rebrand the uniform of the stormtroopers. By the way, you have already seen the destruction of the Death Star 2 times before, but it can't get boring, can it?


-And here's the final lightsaber battle awaiting us. Do you remember the fight choreography from the first 3 episodes? So get ready for the usual drunken stabbing. Everyone staggers, sweats, hits anywhere, swears, constantly faints and eventually defeats Rei, who holds the sword for the second time in her life.


-Suddenly, at the rebel base, I put R2-D2 aside and extracted from my memory a fragment of the map, which is needed to find Skywalker. Rey finds Luke and ends up being paralyzed. A curtain.

Conclusion:

I understand that it is necessary to attract hundreds of millions of dollars of funding to shoot such films. Not a single investor will give, even to an experienced director, so much money without a 100% guarantee to recoup the project. Therefore, the green light is given only to the most proven techniques. The viewer hates them, but cannot do anything about it, since the money for the session is paid in advance, and the schoolchildren regularly provide the box office for well-publicized projects.