Jokes on the theme of LOTR (The Lord of the Rings: The Battle for Middle-earth)
Do not hesitate.Just on the forum became boring, so I decided to dilute ;) the atmosphere.So, anecdote by number I:
It was back when Sauron was just Melkor's servant.
He and Juan at the entrance to Melkor Castle.
Juan took the guise of a man's friend dog.
Sauron is a human enemy wolf.
But Juan Sauron won and fucked in the bushes...
Sauron wildly cried, turned into a black crow and soared into the sky.
There he was waiting for a grinning Thorondor.
(For those who don't know:
Thorondor, presumably the king of the giant eagles at the time,
as during the Lord's time the king was Gwaichor-son of Torondor, or something like that).
Anecdote number II:
Night.Camp Brotherhood.Everyone sleeps.
-Legolas, come on, but?
Legolas:
What's going on?
But we're quiet.
No, I don't think so.
-Please, well Legolas.
No, I don't think so.
"Come on," isn't it?
"Come on, nasty...
Choir:
-And Elberet Giltoniel,
Sylivren penna miriel...
A group of armed dudes goes... One to the other: "I'm not a viede: we are who? Hobbits or bobbites or someone else?" - "Fool! We are Wahhabis" ...
And also remembers the bayan, which Goblin used in his voiceover:
Gandalf asks Frodo, who pulls out a ring from the fire:
What do you see?
- inscription of some kind
What does it say?
- made in China
That's what I thought!
There are very few anecdotes! Here's one:
The saying of nazgulov (after the scene with the river)
DON'T KNOW BRODA, DON'T CHASE FRODO!
Mena certainly pret your enthusiasm... But! Sauron 2re cry Melkorn is in 1st...
anegdot next
A group of armed dudes goes... One to the other: "I'm not a viede: we are who? Hobbits or bobbites or someone else?" - "Fool! We are Wahhabis" ...
In general, it's different...
like anegdot from Comrade Light...
Lan... I'll be kind and write a couple...
Angmarec leaves the gates of Minas Morgul, sees - some smalls at the bridge are rustling.
"Hobbits" - thought Nazgul.
"Sssam you hobbitssss" - thought Gollum...
One day the Ghost King came to Minas Tirith. Asks:
-I'm sorry, where can I sleep here?
He went to meet Gandalf on Svetozar and said:
"Get out, they say, I'll be able to do it. There's no room for you.
Nazgul took offense and left. They are wild in Gondor... People are being sedation.
the Angmar King married Galadriels. They came to Gandalf to get married. Gandalf and says:
"Well, if so, before the Era and people declare you husband and wife.
Now exchange the Rings...
At the top of Orodroin agreed With Sauron:
"Let's do it in a garlic-like way, you have a finger, I have a Ring. . . .
I decided to start a new life once. He went out in the morning to the forest edge and exclaimed in a ringing voice:
"Oh, that's good!
"Golm-golm," echoed out of habit.
Saruman once argued with Gandalf that he would persuade three in a row on the counter to rush to Orodrwin. Well, they go down the hill, and to meet some crazy gnome in a hurry. Saruman tells him:
"Listen, beard, and your treasure trove is ruined by the dragon. . . .
"Oh, woe to me! - shouted the dwarf and jumped into the crater.
They move on. They see - the elf with the sword is in a hurry. I'm going for the feats.
Saruman to him:
"Yeah, noble elf, and your beloved, by the way, the orcs were killed...
"Oh, woe to me! The elf cried and rushed into the fiery abyss with his sword. . . .
And suddenly brings to Mount Sauron - to see what the pandemonium.
Gandalf gloats, and Saruman says:
- Sauron, and you heard: Era Iluvatar forbade to jump into volcanoes?
"I don't care what Era forbade there!
"Speak up, Saruman! Gimli cried.
Saruman? The old man asked me again, "Yes... you could say that I'm Saruman...
Poor Gandalf! He never had time to explain to the hg that the weapon against him is powerless.
Grandpa Gandalf came to the Hobbits for the New Year. Songs were sung,
The dances were led. Then grandpa says:
"Christmas tree, light up!
And the christmas tree doesn't light up. He's back:
"Christmas tree, light up!
No avail. Then my grandfather got angry and commanded:
- Naur ann adriate ammin!
The fire was extinguished only in the morning...
The great wizard Gandalf Gray loved to ring. Sometimes he'll miss it, and then he's looking everywhere for an era. And hobbits taught - too, it seems, only found, and again missed.
He took off Hisagorn with Frodo's cloak and shirt, and he looked at it - and there's a mythrious chain mail. I took it off and there's another one under it. And then the third... Asks:
" Did Bilbo give it all?
"Yeah," Frodo replies, "Uncle sclerosis...))))
Say:
- So, confess, who stole a barrel of health from the basements of Barad-Dur yesterday?
Nazguls are ashamed to remain silent.
- And who stole from the parking lot of the service dragon yesterday?
Silence...
"And finally, who flew over Mordor all night yesterday with the cry of "Am I terrified, flying on anything?"
Sauron was kicked out of Arda, and he settled in Russia. And what would look like a house, he called the area in which he lives - Mordovia!
The all-seeing Eye of Sauron has finally found the warm company of Frodo, Sam and Gollum. They were fishing in the lake. Sauron didn't find the ring. However, they found a tin jar with carrots. The metal from which the carrots were made seemed to Sauron to painfully familiar...
Gandalf (getting out of The Darina Tower on the Syrakzigil veshin):
- What's the joke about this
Legolas! I'm walking on a narrow bridge, and it's behind the "BALROG!!!"
Fourth epoch. There is a war between orcs and elves. Two elves sit in the trench:
- Maeda orcs next to you!
"Why would you do that?"
"My machine is glowing.
Having received the luck of the Mogulk blade, Frodo did not hesitate and responded to Kopole-Prizrak
Hobbit kick. Only the sanatogy in the Resting Mountains was able to put on the feet of the unfortunate squirt.
This is my friend Gimli, the son of Gloin, - introduced Legolas gnome Fangorna.
He frowned, and Legolas continued:
"It's not for the trees. He chops her head off with orcs.
"Is it true?" Gnome Fangorn asked sternly.
"Really," Gimli confirmed, "I'm a chainsaw tree. . . .
The dwarves had a tradition of wearing enemy masks in battle. Dressed who
that the horaraz - some dragon's face was small, others - Aragorna ...
And only Gimli, Gloin's son, wore a simple helmet without even taking it away.
Endalph: Take the ring, Frodo. What do you see?
Frodo: It says something...
Gandalf: What?
Frodo: "Made in China."
Gandalf: That's what I was afraid of.
... And the minstrel exclaimed:
"Listen, the people of Arda! Listen to a song about Frodo Ninepal, Sauron
One-eyed, Sammyum Brainless and other crippled Third Epoch!
Okay, you've had enough... But there will be a sequel...
Anecdotes of the Lord of the Rings
Gandalf woke up after the battle in Moria. He looks - and everything is white around, he is also in white... Asks:
Is that Lorien?
"No," he replies, "it's Sklifosovka.
The inscription on the wall of "The Gutsing Pony": "Once there was a gray goat at my grandmother's." The inscription below: "And you, Laurel, but now a frog. Gandalf"
Gandalf came to Theoden and asked:
- Will Konung Theoden marry his niece Eovin for Gnome Gimli?
"No," theoden replies, "We have interracial marriages not in esteem, and what is it - Princess Ristania for a simple gnome ...
Then Gandalf takes out of his pocket Darin's crown and puts Gimli on his head:
"And to the dwarf king Gimli?
"No, no," Theoden replies, "it's not good for her to hide in the dungeon.
Then Gandalf pulls out from behind the sinuses of the Ring of Power and gives Gimli:
"And to the Lord of Middle-earth Gimli?
"Come on," Gimli pulls him by the sleeve, "what can I imagine I can't do better?"
Even the gray cloak could not hide from Eoina's eyes the great dignity of Aragorn. ("Lord of the Rings. Two strongholds." Translation - Nemirova)
After a large circulation of anecdotes about Gandalf was published in Middle-earth, the Grey Wanderer was more often asked if he was related to the famous scout...
Elrond asks Gandalf:
"Grey, five of you from Valinor have been sent to us. Saruman sits in Ortanka, you hang around with me, Radagast is somewhere next to him fumbling... Where are the others?
"Are you talking about the Blues?" Yes, there are two people hiding somewhere, prati-and-i-people...
-- Kneel down, pathetic worm! Gandalf thundered. - Admit it, Berezovsky bought you a long time ago and for how much!?
"That's the greatest battle of our time" - wailing boozy Gandalf, running away from no less drunk and therefore aggressive Pippin. But the warriors of Minas Tirith misunderstood.
Aragorn comes to Minas Tirith and says:
"Hello, I am your King.
The Superintendent of the House of Physicians came out to him and answered:
That's good. Just set it up. We already have Gandalf Gray, Manve Sulimo was delivered a week ago, and Era Unified announced yesterday...
... Naked fell into the crater of the volcano, Frodo and Sem breathed a sigh of relief... And then Harry Potter flies out of the crater on a broomstick and yells:
"CATCH-A-AL!!
Few anecdotes? Look here.
http://port.irk.ru/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2312
Magdalf was a prankster.
He threw the ring into the fireplace one day, took out the tongs and said, "Hold out your hand, Frodo." I was joking!" exclaimed Gandalf cheerfully.
Here are ALL anecdotes about LOTR - http://www.kulichki.com/tolkien/ponchik/redbook/index.html
40-plus sections! And let someone say that there is little or it is not funny!
Meet on the path elf and orc. The elf says:
"I have a mythrial chain mail!
Orc replies:
"And I have a bazooka...
"And anyway, what does Tolkien have to do with it?" said the orc, slamming the tank hatch.
Gandalf sits, ponders:
"I don't like orcs! I love everyone, but I don't like orcs. I love elves. Dwarfs - I love. People, too. Hobbits - just adore! But the orcs - no. They are tasteless...
The country in Latin America, Uruguay, was one of the Tolkienites. As an advertisement for tourists, it was renamed Urukhai...
... Hobbits ran behind the wagon and shouted:
" Gandalf is coming, thunder rattles!
Gandalf smiled, threw them candy and coins, but did not stop them that day neither a missile nor a machine gun ...
Grandpa Gandalf came to the Hobbits for the New Year. Songs were sung, dances were led. Then grandpa says:
"Christmas tree, light up!
And the christmas tree doesn't light up. He's back:
"Christmas tree, light up!
No avail. Then my grandfather got angry and commanded:
- Naur ann adriate ammin!
The fire was extinguished only in the morning...
"Give up! - the orcs were screaming under the tree, where the dwarves sat with Bilbo and Gandalf.
" It's not a good place to go, you're not going to be a one-man party! Gandalf answered, pulling a check out of a grenade. . . .
"Now I've already signaled to them, "Gandalf is here!" - Gandalf smiled grimly, taking off his flamethrower from his shoulder. . . .
- What a joke at this Legolas! - Gandalf complained as he left Darin Tower on top of Sirakzigil. "I'm walking on a narrow bridge without railings, and he's from behind, "Balrog!"
He drags Petka Gandalf to the headquarters for his beard and yells:
- Vasily Ivanitch! White caught!!!