Jokes, damn it, fifth series!
Is little johnny down the hall with a globe, meets his teacher and asks:- Vovochka, where are you going?
- In the toilet!
- Why do you want Globus?????
- Well, you know, the mood, the world we@host wants!!!!!
The picture of the life of the regional forensic Department.
Morning. Corpses in the night brought more than a dozen. The expert comes into the autopsy room, he sees that all of the wheelchair and the tables are occupied, plus the bodies on the floor... Takes gloves, apron...and the nose begins to hum a hymn Kunovski: Again in our gym, in our gym there is no empty space...
A conversation between two psychiatrists:
- How do you think a colleague, talking to your cat is being paranoid or not quite?..
- Paranoia is when the cat afraid to shake too much.
***
The son comes home with a pierced ear.
The father looks at him and says:
- You know, son, from time immemorial earrings in the ears wore or pirates, or gay. I'll look out the window, and God forbid, that there was your ship...
***
- When in a dispute born truth?
- When a dispute enters the head.
Goes Rasta on mote, post ahead, I think - They'll ask why his eyes are red, smoked? What to say? Answer - the wind blew.
And it goes, goes, muttering billet:
- Why the eyes are red, smoked? - no wind blew
- Why the eyes are red, smoked? - no wind blew
Inhibit his gallery.
- Why the red eyes, the wind blew?
- Not smoked
Mom annealed.
Call her phone Scam. Some guy killed voice: "Mom, I ran over somebody".
And the son of my mother no, only daughter. My mom and figured out what was wrong.
And said: "Idiot, can we kill that witness and get out!"
At the end of someone's choking on something...
Girls, do not be offended by goats! Offense itself: the gate in the garden should be closed...
Doctor, my wife has a sore throat and lost voice what to do?
Come home at 3am.
But will this help?
Of course! Without this exemption method, I checked.
It was in the class third... or fourth... does not matter. Only 8 of March we have our classmates, congratulate the gifts and they are not handed. Our homeroom teacher said,
— I feel for you, boys?
Bear, our warden, raised his hand and said:
And they are February 23, congratulate!
— But you're not soldiers!
— And they are still not women!
The class snickered in unison.
In short, next year's classmates with us on February 23 congratulated and gifts we received. And we give them on 8 March did the same courtesy. Equality was restored.
-------------------
Honestly steal with anecdotes.no =)
Go Gena and Cheburashka on the road. Cheburashka I stopped looking: penny. Just wanted to take as a Gene hit him on the wrist.
- It is impossible, Cheburashka, from the ground up.
Cheburashka was upset, and they went on. Go-go, again watching Cheburashka: the ruble.
- Gene-Gene, I found ruble!
- It Is Impossible, Cheburashka. The floor is dirty, a little eh kind of infection will pick up.
Cheburashka was upset, and they went on. Go-go, and then Cheburashka found a hundred rubles.
- Gene-Gene, can I see it?
- No, Cheburashka. It is impossible from the ground to pick up.
Cheburashka in the end got upset, went with a sad look further and found a thousand rubles. Gene pick up banned, so walked past me. 've noticed that Genes near there. Looking backward, it is this thousand took himself.
Gene, are you! It is impossible from the ground to pick up!
- Go to h..., the earth is not BL....
The Terminator comes to programmers, said that the new operating system is acting up. They ask, and what once stood?
- Ex PI. - And what now? - And became Vista, baby!
Climb climbers in the mountains.
Suddenly feeling - shit
smell. Climb above smells
even more. Climbed so
they are on the plateau and see the great
cave. Come in and
feel that shit
even steeper. Go, stalobyt,
further vietmusic
sits a bearded old then
mean. Ask him:
-The grandfather and th dermis it carries?
-Go travelers, I'll tell
you an ancient legend. When
that a long time ago, lived in one of those
the edges of the rich man. And was
he krasavicej. And
she loved the handsome poor man
shepherd. And he loved her. But
the father betrothed his daughter to
the rich man, contrary to her
will. And then decided
the lovers are a shepherd and the daughter (of
rich man) to get off
this cliff. They took over
hands and rushed into the abyss...
-Grandfather, and we che not understand something,
why the shit smell?
-A fool knows. Shit someone
probably.
Track. On the left, corn field, corn field to the right.
On the highway runs a healthy man with a wheel of KAMAZ and hard
depicts the buzz of the motor. After a while it catches up
two men walking on the road. Stops near them:
- Guys, let's ride!
Men pick up on this and begin to otmazyvatsya, they say it is not necessary,
we are not far away.
Then the Psycho pulls out a gun :
Ana quickly in the body, and that will kill all to edrene hair dryer.
Well, nothing to do men sat down in the back. Run three on the road -
Psycho runs over the wheel, and the two run to the back. Looking ahead post
GAI. Crazy stops and says:
- I can't go on, I'll go on the field, and you go on foot, and a
the post let's meet and get going. But if the cops tell us
catch and kill.
Crazy rushed in corn, and the men went to the traffic police.
Come to the traffic police and tell the Policeman say, joskin banger
there is a nut with a wheel and a cannon on the corn runs. The COP takes the wheel
of the motorcycle and says:
-Get in the motorcycle.
-Well, because there's three of us and the motorcycle two places only.
Just sit down. I have it with a stroller.
A young man in a cafe drinking coffee and looking at beautiful girl at the next table.
Finally decides to come:
- Girl, can you sit down?
The girl suddenly all the cafes roared:
- I'm not going to sleep with you!
People turn around, whisper, smile.
Guy, blushing, returned to my table. Here it sits the same girl.
You, of course, I'm sorry, but the fact that I'm a psychologist and writing a dissertation the Behavior of different types of people in inappropriate situations...
Man, all of a sudden, in all cafes:
WHAT?! TWO HUNDRED BUCKS?!!?
It is: anecdotes.nеt
And Cho, we can come visit? Would rest, in the best traditions of German cinema.
She:
— Can you go... in the best traditions of Russian folklore?!
The Americans have created a machine that translates Russian to English. The car first started Smoking and then exploded after a conversation of two Russians:
Are you going to celebrate the Old New Year?
— Yes is not present probably
— Well, what exactly there known, no?
Yeah we'll see later decide — we will not...
— Hut, hut, turn towards me to the forest, to the ass before!
— You put me in a philological dead end with their avant-garde idioms.
— Th?
— Yes, about what I had in mind.
Of life.
I go home in the yard. You see, girl years
10 runs up and swung the flat — swoosh! on the hood of a new car.
The alarm is triggered. From the window of the 8th floor protrudes angry male face.
The girl slides from the hood and yells:
— Dad, can I walk?
Doctor, I ate pizza with the packaging. I'm going to die?
Well, everything will someday die.
Everything will die? **ive, what have I done?!
The priest appealed to the congregation to help in the construction of the new Church. Unexpectedly responded first known in the city for a prostitute:
— Father, make two thousand dollars.
— Although we need — says the priest — I can't take dirty money.
From somewhere near the back sounded a loud male voice:
— Take it, father! After all, it's our money!!
Go to bed at 11 or 12 PM — the difference is small, but you get up every morning at 6: 00 or 6: 05 — a huge difference.
The child was given a toy doctor set! The cat started a new life with intractable diseases.
Sit two junkies pulling a Bong.Next to passing a police Bobby.Ment of Bobby:
Hey you, where is Ford on the river.
-Uh over there...
Well, Bobby goes in the broad.Car towed out of the cops got out of the car.
You what the hell are we on tryndeli that there is a Ford?!
-So this is...yesterday there were ducks...They been knee-deep...
Pop went to Heaven and he was given the Volga.
Jesus says, Come for a spin, I'll give you guys.
In General sat down, ride, the heavenly beauty around you, birds are singing, the sun is shining and, suddenly, ahead of them an Imam in a BMW, in hand bottle of whiskey, kind of cranking. Pop stops and asks:
- What was that, Lord?
Yeah you know, he never drank and he was rewarded in heaven
- M-Yes. Whole life.. I deserve..
Go on. Suddenly, again, they were overtaken by the Abbot on the convertible with Chicks. Pop stared interested in something like this?
Yeah you know, he was a lifelong vow of celibacy kept, and now comes off.
Go on. Suddenly there is a Golden Bentley in it, the rabbis of booze, broads, kind of cranking. Ahead of them and disappeared over the horizon.
Jesus, without turning his head, says:
- Don't even ask, I don't know. It's some of dad's friends.
-Do you know [forgot the name]? When he went to America, he had only a pair of tattered pants. Now he has a million!
-Oh My God! What will this crazy in America with a million ragged pants?!
Session. Ivanov pulls the ticket and asks another one. Then another. And again.
The Professor says: Sit down, Ivanov.
Ivanov confused why, Alexander Borisovich?
- Well, Ivanov. Just looking for - something you know.