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stalker7162534 24.09.19 12:46 pm

Jokes, damn it, fifth series!

Is little johnny down the hall with a globe, meets his teacher and asks:
- Vovochka, where are you going?
- In the toilet!
- Why do you want Globus?????
- Well, you know, the mood, the world we@host wants!!!!!
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R
RusPack1295 24.09.19

Here's a new joke.

The husband and wife say to a friend:
Friends come for the new year.
They say, Oh we can't.
A husband and wife in response: It's so kind of you.

O
Orcinus 24.09.19

There are two scholar. One says:
You know, last night the word was out - the tongue will break.
- What is this word?
Cunillingus.
- Yes, [redacted], just break your tongue!

x
xDimiDx 24.09.19

Got a gamer in hell. It's been a few days. The devil calls God and says: Look, take it from me, please, that idiot. He told me all the devils with pitchforks perekolol, and now runs hell and looking for a way to the second level.

The little son approaches the father and asks
-Dad,and the characters-are they good or bad?
-They are different.
-Here,for example, if a Character is good,he enters the forest and begins to fight the world's evil.Will kill a couple of dozen Trolls or Goblins in the name of goodness and light-I think did a good thing.
-But if he is angry?
-Evil character doing dirty deeds.Goes to the forest and begins to ruthlessly destroy all life to seize the blood,pain and suffering cut out a couple of dozen Trolls or Goblins glyadish,and he became stronger.
-A neutral?
-And these go into the woods and kill all the monsters solely for the sake of keeping the natural balance.To the Trolls and Goblins wasn't too much...
-What is the difference between them?
-For us no.We Trolls.

-Citizen Of The Immortal?
-Yes,it's me.
-Then I to you.
A good man pulled out of his briefcase with the inscriptionBuyan-investstack of notices.
-Your chest behind the number 666?
-D "Yes," Gently replied the warlock.
Is my chest,I can say Soul.
-Forced to disappoint you.In connection with the recent fluctuations...Bears tipped Oak,he fell to 95%.
'WHAT?'Screamed The Warlock.
-That's not all,the Chest fell apart,the hare came out of his team and he lost control of the Drake.And Drake,unfortunately no longer has the right to the egg.So the needle You lost.
Koschei fell down dead.

==================================
Add Your own jokes and games about the computer.

All the jokes are posted here.

A
Alex0493 24.09.19

The lesson of mathematics. Professor dumps the formula on the Board. In the audience several students playing cards. Then one loses: Well, not x%I!!!
Professor without distraction: Quietly, I'll explain!

The teacher writes on the blackboard in colored chalk.
A voice from the class:
Blue is not visible!
Teacher:
- Let them move!)

Tsilechka how you now feel about your husband running after young girls ?
- Oh, Sara, Yes, okay!, That's my dog chases cars, but that doesn't mean that if she catch up, then sit behind the wheel.

I bought the parrot...Asked: " Well,you fool, say something can ??? - I CAN, but you fool , you KNOW how to FLY ???

P
Pecos_Bill_2.0 24.09.19

Going to a New Russian night at breakneck speed. Knocks down the traffic COP. You know that was trouble. Took him to the cemetery. Undertaker gave $ 100, said: bury him quietly. Okay. Goes on. Again knocks down the traffic COP. Returned to the same cemetery, there is already at his grandmother partying, the drunken undertaker. Shows him a dead policeman, saying, well I asked you to bury! Undertaker just shrugged his shoulders, completed the order.
And the cemetery all this time watching another policeman: I think what is HP here and there rides. As soon as he left the second time, goes to the undertaker: what's going on here?
The undertaker his shovel on the head as will give: but when are you, with...Ah, calm down!!!

At the cemetery during the funeral undertakers foreman sees that
the dead man in the breast pocket of his jacket sticking out 50-ruble
bill. He immediately asks one of his team under any
pretext to push people away from the tomb. When it was done,
he reached for the bill, the dead man suddenly grabs his arm
and shouts:
- The tax police. Control burial!
- You have a day job, and I have mine, ' said the Brigadier and scored
in the coffin nails.

Friday, the 13th. Full moon. Cemetery. The time is approaching midnight.
Then the moon went behind a cloud. Blew rubbed. Groaned the trees. Zaehali owl.
Clock on the old tower began to strike midnight.
Open land on one of the graves. From the depth of the selected bat.
The mouse emits a sinister hiss and takes to the air.
There is an open grave. From the fissure oozing fog. Nebula takes
vague human shape and starts to float through the air.
Not far from the chapel Mouse and Purple haze came on each other.
Met, met, talked:
Hey!
Hey!
- When'd you get out?
- Yes, in the age of 15. Then in Vogue were the bats. Since then, and flit.
And you?
- Oh! I'm late! Age 17-18. In my time was popular ghosts.
- Well, it... it is necessary for familiarity, or something..
Is easily, of tea in Russia, not anywhere. Look how many cups in
the cemetery and all vodka. And to eat there. But it would be good the third
to find.
- There's a zombie staggering. Probably, the age of 20. I went to meet.
- Hey Zombies! I'm from the 15th century, it of 17, you must be out of 20?
- ID-babe you are..! I'm a night shift!

G
GTAman 24.09.19

Do not use obscene language, including veiled.

Y
Ya Betmen 24.09.19

Grandparents accidentally caught grandson at the computer while watching a movie for adults. Are both looking quietly at the door, over time the door and go quietly. Moving away a few meters with all the dope grandfather grandmother hand on the back of the head gives the words:I told you so can and you're gonna die Yes you will die...

V
Vaipen 24.09.19

In the queue at the gate to Paradise brewing scandal.
- Where you're going, you here did not stand.
- Yes, I follow him to the clinic stand.
* * *
Go to heaven pop, the pilot of the old Bodies the driver Gazelle. The pilot and driver are accommodated in luxurious penthouses, with saunas, swimming pools, gardens with birds of Paradise and gorgeous wives angelami. The priest lived in a ramshackle hut, with a decrepit old woman. Pop went to fight the injustice. Comes into the office to the Lord and says
- Lord, pochemuzh I such injustice. I've devoted my life to you, read prayers, gathered a congregation, and these non-believers and in Church that never nebyli. And here's my thanks.
And the Lord otvechaet
- And for that thanks to you. Sermons, your congregation slept and climbed on the Internet in smartphones and their passengers wore a seat belt, prayed, and sincerely believed.
* * *

s
stalker7162534 24.09.19

Actually, son, our life is like fishing - just sit and wait, periodically drinking.

Today we write an essay on the topic: one of my friends spent their winter holidays abroad, and why we despise them.

- Tell, and the film is Disgusting eight is about Lada or about Baltika?
- About Windows!

The father checks the diary son: physics — 2, chemistry — 2, history — 2, references — 2, singing — 5.
— God this idiot still sings.

s
stalker7162534 24.09.19

Only in American movies 20 year old blonde with 4 size of the bust can be an expert on nuclear energy.

s
stalker7162534 24.09.19

-What distinguishes the portfolio from the portfolio?
In potfile are documents and briefcase documents.

T
Tiger Goose 24.09.19

Two men are discussing their wives. One another:
– Look, your screaming when you fucked her?
– No, after my yelling.
– When?
Spoiler– When I'm a member on the cloth wipe.

B
BarackKamacho 24.09.19

Tiger Goose
Rzhaka to Praca as they say

s
stalker7162534 24.09.19

Event for dads:
"Put the baby to sleep and get mom a gift."

Surname, name, patronymic?
— Rabinovich, Isaak Solomonovich.
— Nationality?
— Russian.
— Russian? Isaac— Russian?
— Did St. Isaac's Cathedral — synagogue?

s
stalker7162534 24.09.19

- What are the similarities of deputies from migrant workers?
And those and others transfer money to their children and families abroad.

s
stalker7162534 24.09.19

Surprising, because in principle-that one design, but the Arabs turned out to hookah, and we have moonshine.

People are not divided by nationality, party, faction and religion. People are divided into smart and morons, but morons are divided into nationalities, parties, factions and religion.

K
Kazashiny 24.09.19

kalanick mmm)

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stalker7162534 24.09.19

The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with an ordinary voter.
— Winston Churchill

not funny, but deadly

s
stalker7162534 24.09.19

Confirmed bachelor will get acquainted with the jealous, loud, greedy fool to bolster their beliefs.

s
stalker7162534 24.09.19

Self-esteem I have slightly inflated, Yes.
But otherwise, I unsurpassed.