Jokes, damn it, fifth series!
Is little johnny down the hall with a globe, meets his teacher and asks:- Vovochka, where are you going?
- In the toilet!
- Why do you want Globus?????
- Well, you know, the mood, the world we@host wants!!!!!
In short, given the FSB, the CIA and the cops simple task: to find in the forest oblique. Well, the FSB in the forest life, two days later, brought the fugitive. The CIA has a bunch of kick MICS, scanned the forest with a laser and performed all in one day. And the cops just went into the bushes for five minutes and returned with a battered bear, screaming obscenities good: "Yes, I hare, hare, just enough in the kidneys to beat!!".
Small Nostradamus mother:
- Mom, what we have for lunch today?
- And you, bitch, I don't know...
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2 years in prison gave Petrov plumbing for shouting on the street: "Everything is rotten, the whole system need to change!"
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Some people come to terrible confusion when a sentence ends not as much as they bug
The little old lady walks into a national Bank, holding a bag of money. She insists that they must speak only to the President of the Bank about opening a savings account because, It's a lot of money!. After considerable wrangling and disputes, the Bank staff finally took her to the President's office (the customer is always right!). The Bank President then asked her how much she wants to put on the account. The old lady said, 165 thousand dollars!,— and dumped money out of his bag on his Desk.
The President, of course, was curious how she got all this cash, and he asked her a question:
Madam, I'm surprised You carry so much cash. Where did You get so much money?.
The old woman answered: I bet.
- Bet? What kind of bet?
- Well, for example, I can argue with You on 25 thousand dollars that You square eggs.
- Ha, — laughed the President, Is a stupid bet. A bet You will never win!
- So do You accept my bet? - with the call asked the old woman.
- Of course, I bet for $ 25,000 that my balls are not square!
- Well, however, since we are talking about a big sum, I'll bring you tomorrow at 10:00 his lawyer as a witness?
"Of course," replied the confident President.
That night, the President quite get into a fuss in connection with betting and spent a lot of time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He carefully checked them, until he was sure that under any circumstances its eggs could not be called square, and he easily won the bet. The next morning, at exactly 10:00, the old lady with his lawyer was in the office of the President. She introduced the lawyer to the President and repeated the terms of the bet: the $ 25,000 against what President square eggs!. The President agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could see. The President has granted the request. The old woman stared at the eggs and then asked could she check feel?
Well, the President said, — 25000 is a lot of money, and I think You should absolutely make sure.
At this point he noticed that the lawyer is quietly banging my head against the wall.
On the question of the President What the hell is going on with Your attorney? the old lady said,
Nothing, except I bet him 100 thousand dollars, that today at 10:00 I'll keep the balls of the President of the National Bank
Husband comes home and says to his wife with a smile:
- I got fired!
- Did not understand, and what are you joyful is this?
- And others planted.
To walk he started early. At four he was reading. Five - recited Pushkin, Pasternak, Brodsky. And in six already being played on the piano...
- Oh, you bright child!
- Yes, I mean the husband tells how he us this weekend in the morning, sleep does not!
Women around the world are still arguing who long: Andrey Gubin or Michael Jordan.
The list of deadly sins somehow suspiciously looks like a list of my plans for the weekend.
Milanovic caught in the snare of a rabbit. Says wife
— Roast.
— How will the fry oil right?
— Boil.
— How to cook because the gas is not?
— Sassoli.
— As saline-salt are you?
Milanovic in the hearts tossed the hare. The hare ran and roared:
— Glory to independent Ukraine!
Here is the first anecdote. Pushkin's birthday, and on this occasion he held a ball. Pushkin asked his friend to open the window, and while dancing with Natasha Rostova, he will give it into the hands of Pushkin. And here's the ball, and dance with Natasha. She saw that friend of Pushkin unbuttoned the pants and she says: close the window, and friend of Pushkin says: Wait, now will come out my little crispy friend and I have with him introduce. Heh heh heh
The match of Champions League futbol. Commentator:
Striker one on one with moratorium, opasni point , kick, kick!, another blow!,
Yes, these kicked vorotar have not poluchau!
Bus rides it runs for a man. All the neigh.
-man enough we conductive obasama!!
you'd shit right now, I'm the driver.
Two drunken guys on the street go for the girl:
- Girl, you probably the beauty salon was?
Girl Flirty:
- Yes!
- Is closed, probably, was?
— dad? this PIF?
is the cat.
— dad, PIF is?
is the cat!
is PIF, dad?
— cat.
— PIF that, dad?
I don't know!!!
— it's a cat, dad!
Yesterday I disconnected the Internet. Talked with his children, wife, turns out to be interesting people.
A call to your ISP:
-Hello, this is * * * that bothers you?
Hello, Christ is risen, and the Internet no...
The interpenetration of cultures.In German ''nah''(nach) indicates the direction of movement.In Russian too,but more specific.